Day 1: New York

At 6:15am myself and my fiancé were well prepared for our chauffeur-driven trip to Sydney International Airport. We checked in by scanning our passports and amused ourselves by watching a woman who somehow went over the 23kg luggage limit by 4kg. Her significant other was a broken record of “I told you so”s.

Then we went through customs - my occupation was “freelance writer”, a change for me - and had breakfast buried amidst construction work which made the wait less appetising than usual.

Gate 8 required yet another security check because we were bound for the US. Then we stood around in yet another construction zone until at last we were called to board. Once everything was stowed, I heard a flight attendant say it was not a full flight and free seats could be snaffled.

We waited. Waited some more. Left late when our last passenger deigned to show. Our plane joined an ever lengthening queue of others waiting to tear up tar.

Finally, we were airborne. Sleep proved elusive so I watched Interstellar which was very good. Darren and I lost the only other passenger in our set of four seats (he left us for greener pastures - a tempting exit row seat) so I stretched out on 3 out of 4 chairs, enjoying the space. Finished my book later.

Overcast and steamy, LA greeted us as we trundled off the A380 designed for long hauls and lurked in the quagmire of US customs. It was hell. I sweated in line, irritable and cranky by our late plane, the short transfer time and US customs being so damn slow. Eventually, we were rescued and transferred our bags then walked sockless through scanning machines. Noting how we laid out our jackets, laptops and liquids, a guard said we were well prepared.

More waiting. The Melbourne international flight was also late so we were hanging around for them. Then we were all shunted onto a smaller domestic plane. Feeling ill, I slept more of the trip away.

New York. Also warm. More waiting for bags. Then we grabbed a taxi. Our driver listened to a Colombian radio station and honked ferociously as he bore down on cars, passengers and horses. He was a bit of a hoon. We made it to our hotel, buried in the urban jungle that is Manhattan - so crowded, each building larger than the last.

We walked the streets before deciding on dinner in an Irish pub. It was strangely obvious that all the patrons in there were white - something I'd never have noticed back in Australia. My rare beef sliders were tasty. Could not finish!

We roamed in the dark, all the way to Times Square. The lights were amazing, turned night into day. Startling. Very cool to see the Square which has featured in many movies. Many people dressed as movie characters floated around.

9pm at night - Time Square is still tourist moshpit!

While it looks fascinating, New York smells of smog and garbage - there are bags of trash everywhere, rotting in the heat. We saw people digging through the bags as steam left the grate beneath them.

At one point I was amused to witness some typical New York roadrage - someone yelled “you fucking asshole!” out of their car at another driver.

Forget the smell, the sights are amazing!

Back to hotel. Tea was made by sourcing hot water in cups from downstairs. Managed to burn ourselves on our way into the room. Ouch.

Now clean and tired.

Night.

Introduction: The Impossible Can Happen

When I returned from my trip in 2013, I found myself sinking into sadness. I thought for sure I would never be able to enjoy such an epic overseas adventure ever again. I would never be able to afford it so I decided I should just give up on my dream. It was time to be serious about my future. I was doomed to a boring life of eking out an existence. And I would have to do it all alone.

At the time, I thought my 2013 trip was the best thing would ever happen in my life. I was wrong. It did, however, give me the confidence that brought me to my future husband that same year.

Falling in love is an amazing adventure all on its own. You can barely sleep or eat and suddenly every waking moment you don't spend with that person is wasted. While it was becoming more financially possible to achieve my lost dream of travelling (and in no small part due to this wonderful man), I was now in a full time job which I couldn't even leave for two days in a row, let alone for weeks of travel.

Okay, it's not so bad being stranded in Sydney... ;D

And yet somehow I found myself self-employed and sharing an apartment with my fiancé. The timing couldn't be more perfect so we planned our pre-wedding honeymoon. It was an amazing feeling to be writing up an itinerary once again. Even better? I was going to be with my soulmate. This is why I revisited some places I'd been before - he hadn't seen them!

Once upon a time I said I would never fall in love. Another time I said I would never go overseas again. I am quickly learning that the impossible can happen.

Never say never.

2013 Rambles: Table of Contents

Introduction: Tell Her She's Dreaming

Caz stops thinking about visiting the UK and decides to finally achieve her dream.

Day 1: London
Caz and Cazy's jetlagged adventures in the Tower of London.

Day 2: London
We explore Westminster and walk over dead people.



Day 3: Stonehenge, Lacock & Bath
We shrink inside Stonehenge, dodge Voldemort in Godric's Hollow and dash through Bath.

Day 4: London
Just how does the British Museum smell anyway?




Day 5: Paris
How to spend 7 hours in the capital of France!

Day 6: Lullingstone & Dover
We roam a Roman villa then rove over the White Cliffs of Dover. ;)

Day 7: The Maunsell Sea Forts & Dover
We seize the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to board anti-air towers that defended Britain during WWII.

Day 8: 1066 Country

The Battle of Hastings suddenly becomes more than a tapestry when we follow William the Conquerer from Pevensey to Battle.



Day 9: Hastings
We explore a town where you can ride a 19th century cliff railway up to an 11th century castle!



Day 10: The Uffington White Horse
A giant prehistoric horse, St. George, a dragon and us. :)

Day 11: Caerleon
Caz embarrasses herself by quoting a 20th century computer game in Roman ruins.

Day 12: Caswell Bay
South Wales provides a stunning candidate for Best Beach in Britain.



Day 13: Oystermouth Castle
We clamber around a castle built to quell the Welsh. :D

Day 14: Nottingham
We breach the walls of Nottingham Castle one minute before the doors close.



Day 15: Nottingham
Our hunt for the Nottingham of legend continues in Sherwood Forest.



Day 16: Nottingham & Arbor Low
We find a stone circle that, according to its owner, "is cooler than Stonehenge because you can climb over it".

Day 17: Arbor Low & Whitby
Caz attempts to juggle an audio guide, an umbrella and a camera at Whitby Abbey.

Day 18: Whitby
Caz discovers Whitby's Australian connection and why there are so many people running around in Gothic/steampunk garb.

Day 19: Hadrian's Wall
What have the Romans ever done for us? ;)

Day 20: Alnwick Castle & Edinburgh
We attend Hogwarts and fail to see any ghosts - but we do encounter a duke!

Day 21: Edinburgh
Caz opens an umbrella on Edinburgh Castle (big mistake, HUGE mistake) and then hunts for a lump in the grass at Holyrood Palace.

Day 22: Edinburgh
Caz haunts second-hand book stores then attends the Beltane Fire Festival.

Day 23: Stirling
We enter Neil Oliver's hometown, climb the Wallace Monument and then embark on a hunt for Stirling's city walls.

Day 24: Stirling
We explore Stirling Castle and then Caz trips over 16th century graves.

Day 25: The Highlands
We encounter our worst weather yet in the Scottish highlands and then fail to spot a flying Ford Anglia. ;D

Day 26: Loch Ness & Culloden
We tempt the Loch Ness Monster, explore the Culloden battlefield and then discover what has to be the smelliest place in Scotland.

Day 27: Carn Liath & The Castle of Mey
Caz nearly falls over in a 2000-year-old broch and then we find ourselves at the very top of mainland Britain.

Day 28: Orkney
We are led around Orkney by a very peculiar individual.

Day 29: Edinburgh
We look for ghosts in the Edinburgh Vaults. :)

Day 30: London

We travel first class from Edinburgh to London.

Day 31: Devon
Caz's good friend Jon shows her around Dartmoor, Perry Bomeroy Castle and Drogo Castle. And Caz learns that you should never mock Haytor.

Day 32: Devon
Jon shows Caz the sights in Torquay and then we learn why you should never park illegally in Cockington (it's not what you think!).

Day 33: London
We snag the best spot outside Buckingham Palace for the changing of the guard.

Days 34 & 35: London
Caz explores Hyde Park and chills out in Southwark.

Days 36 & 37: London
After celebrating her birthday, Caz meets Elwood Blues! :D

Days 38 & 39: The Southern Hemisphere

An entire day goes missing when Caz flies home to Australia.

Conclusion: "Frae Orkney Down to Dover"

Helpful advice for any other dreamers who wish to venture to the UK.

Conclusion: "Frae Orkney Down to Dover"

But give me a ramblin' rover, 

Frae Orkney down to Dover. 

We will roam the country over 

And together we'll face the world. 

- "The Ramblin' Rover" by Silly Wizard

When I returned from my trip, I watched an episode of Time Team that showed them digging at Caerleon. I felt a twinge of smugness - I had been there, I had roamed that Roman amphitheatre and I had seen it with my own eyes before the TV ever brought it to me.

This was the best decision ever. So now I will list some of the Very Important Things that might help you on your own trip to Britain.

1) International Driving Permit - Australians, pick one of these up from NRMA for $42.

2) Overseas Visitor Pass - a really cheap way to get into most of the properties governed by English Heritage (details here). You can get into a range of places from Dover Castle to Stonehenge to Lindisfarne Priory. Parking is free or discounted at some of these places if you have an OVP. You can pick up your pass from a staffed site.

3) Historic Scotland Explorer Pass - similar to the above but fewer places are included in it (check it out at this link). However, it will see you into select places from the border all the way to Orkney! It's a cheaper option and quite good for queue jumping - it also gets you a discount on audio tours at Edinburgh Castle. Be warned though that your printout IS your ticket so you will need to keep it in a plastic sleeve.

"Frae Orkney…"

4) Book tickets online whenever you can. You can often get tickets cheaper if you purchase beforehand (eg. the Tower of London). It is very handy to have tickets ready because you can get in quickly without wasting time on paying.

4) Buy an Oyster card online and have it sent to you before you leave home (we used this site). When you get it pre-loaded you can just zap it the first time you enter the London underground. Fares are much cheaper on the Oyster card.

5) If you intend to see a lot of Britain, get a hire car. Public transport is not at all kind to places like Arbor Low. I advise that either you be over the age of 25 or have a handy brother named Cazy who is over 25 to avoid the ridiculous price hike on insurance. Do NOT upgrade to a giant car because quaint little towns are not the place for those. However, a four-wheel drive is not a bad idea for more…adventurous locations.

6) Be prepared to do a lot of walking. Get decent shoes if you intend to slosh through the mud at Stonehenge or dodge sheep shit near Hadrian's Wall. Or even just for traipsing around Edinburgh - don't waste money on bus tickets.

"…down to Dover."

7) Occasionally book a serviced apartment instead of a hotel. Sometimes the slightly extra price is worth it - especially if you get your own kitchen and that sacred item, the washer/dryer. We subsidised these visits by staying in a few dives.

8) Making your own meals will save you a lot of money. If you can, pinch some croissants and packets of spreads from your hotel's breakfast buffet. Bread, spreads and driving snacks can be bought from supermarkets. I travelled with plastic cutlery, bowls and plates which helped a lot! On some nights we were too tired to go out so we had cheap instant noodles instead (most, if not all, hotels come with a kettle).

9) Movie tickets are cheaper in Torquay than in Edinburgh. Just saying.

10) Be careful. You might catch the travelling bug. This is incurable. And already this roving rambler is dreaming of another trip, another adventure...

Days 38 & 39: The Southern Hemisphere

I boarded the plane but the two passengers in my row were noisy and so planned to nab my own row of seats (the flight had quite a few empty seats in Economy). The moment the plane was in the air and the seatbelt sign winked out, it was chaos! Passengers fought for, won and lost potential beds. I had my fair share of frustration.

The nearest three-seater was reserved by a woman in the row behind it when she threw a pink cushion on it before take off. The next three-seater was stolen by a rude man - but this turned out to be a good thing because those arm rests didn’t fold up (they were exit rows, tables and entertainment folded away into arm rests).

Eventually, I found a brilliant four-seater two rows from the back of the plane. Two of the armrests kept falling down but I managed to fold myself around the problem. Four pillows, four blankets, four headsets...heaven! And right near toilets too.

My time was spent watching programmes, reading books, snacking after walks around the plane - and glorious napping which managed to mostly put me on Sydney time.

Breakfast was blah, but it didn’t matter because suddenly at 5:10am we touched down in my home city. I ignored the e-Passport lines (glasses always bamboozle the machines), waited for and got my suitcase (to my relief there was no vodka smell or staining) which was freezing and breezed through customs.

My parents greeted me - Mum took a photo. Ugh! 24+ hours in the same Dalek T-shirt. I must have looked terrifying.

I was driven home and arrived just before 7am. Souvenirs took a while to sort out but luckily most of my clothes were clean! 

I was finally, truly, home.

Days 36 & 37: London

Day 36

My plan was to not go out much today and simply chill. By midday, I was still in my pyjamas (daggy clothes were sodden from the washing machine), happily chatting to people on Skype. 

I planned to go to Oxford Street’s Selfridges that evening to meet Dan Aykroyd. The knowledge of his appearance was a birthday present from similarly-obsessed Canadian Internet friend.

Anyway, I decided to pass on the tube (only two stops) and walked in the drizzle, determined not to use my broken umbrella. After fifteen minutes and several streets lacking proper crossings, I reached the Marble Arch and shed my favoured thin black fleece, continuing on to the large building I recognised from Google street view.

I stumbled into Selfridges and dodged a sea of suited people holding out perfume sticks before finding my way to the lower ground level.

At 5pm, I charged a 700ml bottle of Crystal Head Vodka to my backup card (the other two cards failed me - whoops) and had a blue wristband snapped on me (red bands for those who got there first). I lined up with the other restless plebs and amused myself by leaning on shelves of candles branded as “Dirtique” and by smiling at those dressed up as Ghostbusters. A security guy told us Dan Aykroyd had been running 30 minutes late all day, so it was a little after 6pm when he arrived.

Before this, I had chatted with people in the queue. Memorably, one guy was insisting that Ghostbusters was a better film than The Blues Brothers, much to the derision of myself and others. This loon, in his Ghostbusters shirt, proclaimed, “It’s SUCH a good movie!” 

I wish I’d asked the cute guy beside me out for a drink afterwards...

The line moved and then I was pulling the skull-shaped vodka receptacle out for an Asian employee to give to Dan Aykroyd - older but very recognisable. He sounded just the way he should! The skull that was signed a couple before mine was for a woman who apparently fainted!

I sat beside Dan Aykroyd as he signed the skull. He then pinched a piece of paper I had with me and signed that too. As I had forgotten my camera, I managed to wrangle a second handshake from him. I professed my love of The Blues Brothers and he asked me if I was a musician to which I replied, “No, but I have you to thank for my great taste in music.”

He said something about the American Playbook and I was released from that surreal booth. I powered back to my apartment, clutching my previous signed cargo. I fretted as I cocooned the bottle in plastic, then in a beanie and a shirt before gently resting it in my suitcase. Let’s hope it survives the trip!

Spoiler: it survived the trip.

***

Day 37

The day began with trepidation - me, running around re-packing things and fretting about the crystal skull (I still am). I attempted food and felt off about it but still forced my way through Nutella on toast, strawberries and milk. Thusly fortified, I coasted upstairs at 9:30am and checked out. My request to book a taxi was met with confusion - wouldn’t I rather walk to Paddington and take the Heathrow express?

I looked pointedly at my luggage and divulged that I was going to a hotel near Heathrow. I read newspapers shouting about gang rapist paedophiles and Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy for twice as long as I had been prepared to wait. This should have been my first clue about the incompetence of my driver. 

He made it out of London well enough but drove right past my hotel and proceeded to get hopelessly lost in West Drayton before using two roundabouts to get me to where I need to be. No tip from me! I hurriedly checked in to my day room.

I packed early and made my way downstairs. Checking out was easy, the wait for the taxi was okay and the drive was very friendly. He was incredulous when I told him that my trip did not cost £45 000!

I had to use my Aussie passport and happily my bag was not too heavy (though I think the limit is 30kg now). The hand luggage screening was crazy but I set off no alarms nor was I pulled aside. 

In Pret-a-Manger. It’s nice.

Flight in 3 hours...

Days 34 & 35: London

Day 34

Had a slow morning while my brother enjoyed a free breakfast downstairs (the hotel stole my face washer the previous night so this was recompense). I ate the brownie he gave me for my birthday - the mead is now mine too, as he can’t take home.

We checked out at 11:30am. He waited for his taxi while I put my luggage into storage. I hugged him goodbye then miserably walked to Southwark alone. I’m in Fratelli writing up the last two days.

I did that and returned to the hotel to catch my 3pm taxi. I was conveyed through moderate traffic around sharp bends (I had to rescue the Celtic Mead at one point!) and odd sculptures hugging Hyde Park’s perimeter. 

I arrived at my swanky hotel and my friendly taxi driver lifted my suitcase up the steps. I gave him £20 for the £19 fare and entered, whereupon I was given the news that I had been upgraded to a better apartment. Plenty of natural light, heaps of room, epic purple lighting in the bedroom, washer/dryer, other stuff...just bliss. A birthday treat!

Wonderful blissful sleep awaited me when I curled up on the double bed.

***

Day 35

I woke leisurely at 8:30am and turned on my phone, glad I had switched it off as Cazy had texted me from Dubai an hour earlier. I did some washing then I burst out into the sunshine (well, I was beneath a sky with large patches of blue).

I headed for Hyde Park. It is large, insanely so. I snapped copious photos of flowers and structures after exploring only thirty metres of path. As I passed foundations on a bridge-type area, I spotted a cute photographer through my viewfinder. He was aiming his camera right at me. I discreetly edged closer, taking photos all the while - we seemed to have very different eyes.

Water, water everywhere.

I then followed him at a casual pace up to some trees and thought about introducing myself but it was just too weird. I bailed along the path where I came across two shady men. One appeared to echo my footsteps so I went up to an ugly brick gazebo on a tiny path - he followed so I hurriedly rejoined the main path, walking behind a female photographer for protection.

More monuments appeared as I continued to walk - and then I was gleefully taking photos of water and swans and squirrels!! 

I ambled to a tree mosaic marking the death of a noticeboard tree and rang Mum while I took photos. I continued our conversation as I walked towards the Marble Arch - it should have been easy but many paths were closed off with fences clothed in green fabric. I bade farewell to Mum (so much wind was disrupting our conversation!) then happily noted the entrance to Marble Arch tube station.

I immortalised the area with my SLR, beginning with the Marble Arch itself before working my way past a giant horse head statue (was it meant to be eating grass, being upside like that?) and three fountains in a row which were dirty but some guy was nearby cleaning the area.

I returned to the Marble Arch and confirmed the information in my sketchy memory (that it was indeed taken from Buckingham Palace in the 19th century when the new facade was built) by reading a sign. Tourists nearby were feeding pigeons and staging photos of the act. I shook my head, eyeing the white splatters of poo everywhere, then descended to the tube.

Marble Arch

I caught the Central line one stop over to Bond Street and changed onto Jubilee (one train did not open its doors to us and left without any more explanation than the electronic wording “out of service”). 

Off I came at London Bridge, back into Fratelli for it pleases and calms me. There are many others here working on laptops as I write this. It seems odd to want to retire back to my apartment already, before 2pm.

Ha. It’s my “retreat”. I may do as I please!

Happily, I managed to alight at Green Park and returned to Buckingham Palace for some non-telescopic photos. Somewhere towards Trafalgar Square a band must have been playing for I heard the music and felt the drums dancing in my heart. I am still uneasy about the lax attitude when it comes to crossing the roads to the Palace. It’s chaos!

A quiet hour outside Buckingham Palace.

Took the tube back to Lancaster Gate and only got slightly lost on my way to the apartment. I continued my regime of clothes washing, reading books and watching TV shows.

Gosh, I need to pack properly but the jeans are not 100% dry.